


Wish That You Were Here

by SageMcMae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post TLJ, Protective Kylo Ren, Redeemed Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-02-17 19:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13083582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageMcMae/pseuds/SageMcMae
Summary: During TLJ, Rey wakes on Ahch-To from a nightmare. The bond connects her with Kylo Ren and she finds an unlikely solution to her sleeping problem. As their bond flourishes, so does their relationship, which continues beyond the events of TLJ.





	1. Brooding

Rey woke to hearing her own short burst of a scream. Her nightmares had become more frequent since her arrival on Anch-To. Out of habit, she wiped at her eyes, unsurprised to feel a slight dampness from her tears.

"Scavenger."

She froze. This was not what she needed right now.

"Back off, Kylo."

"You woke me up." He sounded annoyed. She didn't care. She was tired. She just wanted one night of blissfully empty, quiet sleep.

"Then stay out of my head."

"You are the one that reached out to me."

"Kriff off," she snapped, rolling over in bed, drawing the sheet around her. She scrunched her eyes closed. She needed to focus on her breathing. She needed to remember her training from Luke and use it to clear her mind.

"Yes, Scavenger, clear your mind," a snarky voice said to her.

"I told you-."

"And yet I'm still here."

"Sithspawn."

He chuckled, darkly. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"That wasn't a compliment," she grumbled, rolling to her other side.

"Coming from you, it is...or at least the closest I will ever get."

Rey ignored him. Any small retort would continue this banter. She wasn't interested in talking. She wasn't interested in hearing more of his voice in her head. The ease of which he could talk to her worlds away without knowing where she was or at times what she was doing, unnerved her. Master Luke had told her the Force bond was the reason. Still, she couldn't understand why she was bond to him. Why didn't she share that bond with her parents. If they were still alive, she would know. She could reach out to them with the same ease. She's finally know where she belonged...where her home truly was.

"Scavenger."

Once again, she remained silent.

Maz has told her that her family wouldn't be returning to Jakku. It was part of the reason she has agreed to train with Luke to become a Jedi. The other part was the sad conclusion that she had no where else to go. Staying at the Resistance base was too difficult. She couldn't stand to see Finn each day. The bacta tank was working but his face so void of light and laughter cut at her. Then there was the General. Having to see her broken smile with the fresh loss of Han was another constant reminder of how Rey had failed. That left her with the famed Jedi Knight.

"Scavenger, answer me."

Rey moved to lay on her back, still not comfortable in her bed. The thoughts she was wrestling with were causing her doubts to seep in. Luke had warned her that that was the path of the dark side. She had to re-center herself.

Meditation wasn't working while lying down. She flipped the covers away, sliding her legs off the bed and padding barefoot from her hut out into the damp evening air. The sound of waves crashing against the shore called to her. She walked down the well worn path to the edge of the cliff where she did her daily meditations with Master Luke. Closer to the edge she began to taste salt from the sea spray on her lips.

Rey sat down, cross-legged on the cool stone surface. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes once more, reaching inward to where her own light shone. She touched the tendrils of it, allowing them to curl around her finger tips and slide up her arms. The sensation was warming. She allowed it to wrap her up in a cocoon. The tendrils started to thicken, feeling more like arms instead of thin vines. It pulled her back, against something solid. It wasn't until she felt a weight on the top of her head she opened her eyes.

She was still on Anch-To, of that she was sure. What she wasn't sure of was how he was suddenly there with her. The light she had been focusing had manifested into the full bodied version of Kylo Ren. And he was holding her. Tenderly.

"Kylo?"

"She speaks."

"Are you-."

"No. It's the bond."

"Where are you?" she found herself asking. With the Starkiller base destroyed, she knew he had moved to another operation, perhaps an entire other system. She could never see it. It was as he had said during their first connection. She only saw him. Did he still only see her? She couldn't be sure of anything he told her. He could have been waiting to attack her, use any information she accidentally divulged to strike her down.

"My chambers," he answered, vaguely. "Where are you?" He questioned back.

"You can't see?"

"No. I told you before."

She sighed with relief, her shoulders dropping forward slightly, causing him to lean in from where he sat behind her. There was much about the Force she still did not understand. This, for instance, was strange. What was more strange was how she could literally feel their bond. Before it had felt like a tickle in her mind. Now, however, it felt whole, as if a physical string was connecting her to him.

"I get them too," he said, interrupting the silence once more.

"Hmmm?"

"Nightmares."

She wrapped her arms over his, giving a light squeeze. In turn, she felt him reposition his chin on the top of her head. "How do you get back to sleep?"

"I usually don't."

"That explains it then," she laughed, lightly.

She felt him shift. "Explains what?"

"Why you're always so brooding and angry."

"Brooding?"

She stiffened under his hold, waiting for an outburst, the repercussion for her honesty.

His arms around her tightened, holding her down, her back flush against his chest. Separated by mere fabric, she could feel the muscles rippling beneath. An unwelcome heat sparked up in her body.

"Brooding," he repeated, as he ducked his head down to the side. She kept herself facing forward, too nervous due to their positioning to look him in the eye. His proximity should have had her running for her hut, going for her saber. She didn't even know if that would work. This feels like a dream...whatever this is.

"Only you would say that." The words are placed against her ear, his head titled forward as his arms weave about hers, intertwining up and down to the ends, where his fingers, for once ungloved, lace with her own.

"I'm not afraid of you." Her voice came out muffled, their conjoined arms blocking it slightly.

He hummed against her. "You should be."

Rey tried to not pay attention to the growing heat. She expected him to be cold. She had figured he would bait her, maybe even try to attack her. It would have been easier to deal with than...this. As with many things between them, it is hard for her to describe, difficult to define. Somehow she found her voice.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid of you."

His words confused her. She was nothing. She came from a sand trap of a planet with no family, no training, no purpose. He had resources, power, and years of study to use against her. What could she possibly do to scare him?

As if he had realized something, he went ridged. Then he pulled back, letting her limbs fall away from his. Before she understood what was happening, he stood up, removing the warmth from around her. The bond felt stretched. She told herself that it was what was causing her to feel a sudden tightness in her chest.

"Be-."

His name didn't make it fully out of her lips, as she glanced over her shoulder. He was already gone. She was alone once more.


	2. Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be a one-shot. I had no intention of continuing, but I've gotten some requests to keep going, so I will try.

Kylo could still feel the abrupt cut-off of their connection. If he had held any lingering doubts about whether or not Rey had found his uncle, those were now gone. The Force signature which had interrupted their latest session was unmistakably Skywalker. 

 

His ungloved hand tingled with the after effects of her touch. Her skin was tougher than it looked, presumably due to her harsh life on Jakku. How she had managed to survive on the backwater trash of a planet was beyond him. He had to admit he admired her for it. Her circumstances were nearly as troubling as his own. 

 

Perhaps that was the reason he found comfort in her presence. Since the start of their bond, he had been curious. Even after she had attempted to blast him, he had felt a driving need to know more. More about their connection. More about why the Force chose them. More about her.

 

She was stubborn. It was her way. He realized it was one of the reasons he enjoyed speaking with her. She did not cower before him. She did not hid her true self in his presence. She attempted to best him. She was truly remarkable. 

 

And his.

 

Kylo had seen a vision of them standing together when their hands had touched. Side by side, all powerful and no longer lost. They had found themselves in each other. It was clear to him what the future held. 

 

He pulled his gloves back on, straightening up. He wondered what else would have transpired, had Skywalker not interrupted. Rey had been so open, so trusting. It had been the only time she had looked at him that way...as if she-

 

_No._ He stopped himself. _Not the first time._

 

He had held her in her dreams...his dreams on the beach. It had been a moment of weakness. He had been so starved for human contact. He had been far too eager, far too hungry for her. It wasn’t actually a dream, but he had told himself it was. It made justifying it simpler. 

 

She hadn’t tried to attack him. He recalled how warm her presence was. It had startled him, feeling her light reach across the galaxy to him, inviting him to join her. He was fairly certain she had no idea how she had done it or even that she was capable of such power. It proved his previous plea. She needed a teacher. 

 

Would she have let him teach her if he had asked agin? If Skywalker hadn’t discovered their bond and he had had the opportunity to ask, would she have said yes? Would it give him the chance to hold her again, drape his arms around her impossibly small figure and keep her with him? 

 

His mouth twitched at the very thought. He wanted her — in so many ways — in all forms. Kylo Ren wanted the Scavenger girl. She was his and his alone. 

 

“Ben?”

 

He spun around so suddenly, nearly knocking into his chair. 

 

There she stood. It was as if the Force had delivered her back to him based on his wishes.

 

“I’m coming to you,” she told him. There was not an ounce of hesitation in her statement. 

 

He felt a surge of pride well up within him. She had chosen him. Someone in his life had finally seen his side, believed in him. The sensation was coupled with immense satisfaction. His vision would come true. She would stand with him. She was leaving Skywalker and the Resistance and all of it. 

 

Despite his overwhelming happiness at her words, his reply was curt. “Good.”

 

Her eyes were locked on him. There was no fury now, no burning fire of hate as there had been in previous encounters. The simmering heat had been washed away, revealing a compassion, an understanding. 

 

“Good,” she repeated, nodding slightly. 

 

Then she vanished.

 

He was alone in his chambers. 

 

But he wasn’t alone anymore. Not really. 


	3. Torn Apart

Cold.

Rey felt cold. With a groan, she opened her eyes, her entire body sore, as if she had been scavenging all day without provisions. She was still in Snoke's throne room. There was fire all around and debris covering the floor.

_What happened?_

Her head ached, a symptom she had come to relate to dehydration, but even as she thought that, she knew it was something else. Something worse. Much worse.

_Rey, I want you to join me._

She had felt there was more to his statement. In the back of her mind, she had been aware her self-made family was running for their lives. She could only hope Finn and General Organa were alive.

_We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy._

Her heart had broke all over again. She had trusted him. She had wholly believed he would turn, that he would choose her over power, choose the light over the darkness that had been leeching at his soul these past several years. She had been so naive, so foolish to believe he would choose her. She was nothing. Hadn't he said as much? All he wanted was her power, her alliance.

_No. You're still holding on! Let go!_

Everyone else had been correct. She had been too blind to see it. Ben Solo was gone. He had died when Luke had failed him. There was only Kylo Ren now, only the shell of the man she had begun to fall for. She cried for him, the man she had seen in the visions, a man who had never been given a chance. A man she would never have the chance to meet, or know, or love.

_Please._

The tremor in his voice had struck her. It was so different than the cold 'You know I can take whatever I want' he had once told her. There hadn't been any authority in his voice. The coldness had been removed. Instead there was longing, a desperate begging for her so he would not be alone. She felt the desperation, as if it were her own. She had been frightened of the same thing for years. If there was anything left inside her whole, it shattered to pieces.

Was Ben Solo still in there?

No.

She had focused on the glove. When he had come to her on Ahch-To, he had removed it. He had opened himself up to her. The glove was back now that he had secured his power. He was back to being Kylo Ren.

And she had known she had failed.

The lightsaber.

Rey's body jumped at the sudden recollection. The last thing she had seen was the lightsaber exploding.

Rolling to her side, she spotted it lying a few feet away from her. It had split down the middle, cracking the kyber crystal inside. _Kriff._ How was she going to repair this? She hardly knew anything about the lightsaber. While she had knowledge on how to repair all manner of machines, this was a completely different matter. Luke had barely trained her. The topic of lightsaber maintenance and repair had been one of an endless stream of topics she required assistance was glad she had decided to "borrow" the ancient Jedi texts from the Force tree before she had departed the island.

She pocketed the two halves. As she did, she noticed Kylo's still form across the room. He was all bulk, draped in black, nearly blending in with the floor.

Pausing, Rey reached out to the Force to sense if anyone else was in the room or near. Her mistake was not having done it sooner. She was in enemy territory. However, they were, thankfully, alone. No one else had come to inspect the damage they had caused. Perhaps the First Order had too much faith in the Praetorian guards. The bodies were strewn about the chamber, a harsh reminder of the lives she had taken.

Shoving it from her mind, Rey returned to Kylo. She knew she couldn't leave him there, unprotected and unconscious. He had murdered the Supreme Leader. There would be consequences. He was far too heavy for her to move without the aid of the Force, but even if she did, where would she move him to? He had made it clear he had no intentions of coming back to the light. And that was where she was needed. Chewie would be waiting for her. She didn't have much time.

Rey stretched out her hand, calling his lightsaber to her. It felt heavy in her grasp. She knew why. It was a tool of his malice, the destruction he had left in his wake. How many poor souls had he run through with the blade? How many more would suffer under his rage? She feared what his rule would bring. Certainly not order or peace.

Only death.

Despite her fears, she couldn't bare to leave him unarmed. Rey knelt down at his side, securing his weapon to his belt. It was the saber's rightful place.

Leaning over him, she brushed his hair from his face. The frown lines were gone. There was ash decorating his brow, but no grimaces or scowls. He appeared more at peace, less conflicted. Rey bit back tears at the sight, sensing the overwhelming conflict in her own heart.

How could she love and hate him at the same time?

Now she understood. She understood what he had meant when he had told his father he was being torn apart. She felt that way now. She felt like the saber in her pocket.

"I'm sorry," she told him, softly, a small sob escaping her. "I thought I could save you. I thought I could bring you back to the light." She wiped the back of her hand across her face, attempting to stop her weeping. "I promised to help you. But now I understand. I can't bring you home. It was wrong of me to ask you to choose me. It was wrong of me to ask that of you. The choice had to be yours, Ben. The choice was always yours."

Slowly, she dropped her head, planting the lightest of kisses to his temple. "Maybe someday, if we both survive this war, you and I can meet again." She pulled back, rising to her feet. "I'll miss you. I'll miss talking to you. You were-."

Rey stopped, cutting herself off because the next words were too difficult to say out loud. Swallowing her anguish, she cleared her throat. "May the Force be with you."

Tearing herself away, she raced to an available escape pod. It was much larger than the one she had left the Falcon on.

 _Must be Snoke's_ , she thought, as she slipped inside.

As she closed the hatch, she gave one final fleeting glance at the man who had become both her greatest confidant and her greatest enemy. "Please be safe." With that, she slammed the door shut, triggering the launching sequence.

Rey fled, leaving behind her heart and all hope for Ben Solo.

* * *

 **A/N:** This piece was inspired by artwork and a [post on tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/search/roguewn). I couldn't justify how Rey just disappeared in TLJ. So this is my answer for what happened in those undisclosed moments.


	4. Names

Kylo Ren had never felt so alone.   
  
It had been nearly a month since the battle on Crait. Nearly a week since he had woken to Rey gone. Nearly a week since he had vowed to ‘destroy her’.   
  
While the First Order remained under his control, it had brought him no level of satisfaction. Those who had initially feared him were now terrified. Tales of his succession had been grossly exaggerated in many accounts. In the beginning, the elaborate stories had humored him. Glancing into the minds of his subordinates was like child’s play. It was a minor distraction from his loneliness.   
  
Lacking a mentor or another presence to turn to, Kylo found himself isolated. Those within the First Order communicated with him formally. Any other contact was considered unnecessary and thus avoided at all costs. To most, he was considered the sole Force-user left in the universe. It was another title which labeled him unapproachable, even if it was a falsehood.   
  
Killing Han Solo had broken his soul. Losing Rey had broken his heart. He was still reeling from the impact of her actions. He hadn’t thought he had a heart left. Her disappearance after his offer had taught him otherwise. Upon murdering his master, Kylo had seen her join him. She had fought along side him, just as she had in his vision. She had been gorgeous, a force to be reckoned with. Normally so calm, she had been fierce, contending with the guards after so little training, while he had had years to prepare him for such a critical battle. He knew she would make a worthy empress.   
  
The illusion had shattered the moment he came to, alone on the cold floor, with Hux’s inferior assassination plan. Though irritated the general would even consider taking such an action against him, Kylo had not reacted. He would deal with Hux in his own way, in his own time. His thoughts were all focused on Rey.   
  
He had always known her to be stubborn. She was the only person he tolerated speaking to him the way she did. He hadn’t been able to put a reason to that fact until today. The realization had struck him during her torture. Seeing her face warped by discomfort, paired with the cruel words of his former master had caused him to sever his ties with the Supreme Leader. Snoke had always seen Kylo as a means to an end. Strategically, it made sense to take him out before he could do the same to his apprentice. At least, that was what he had told himself.  
  
The truth was, none of it mattered before Rey.   
  
Kylo had been blindly following the teachings of his master for years. He had rarely questioned anything Snoke had told him. He had never faltered in any of his requests. He had served his master as a loyal pet since Snoke had taken him in upon his departure from Luke’s academy. The scared boy, Ben Solo, who had sought out the wise, ancient voice was such a distant memory from the present. Kylo shoved it away. He did not want to be burdened by thoughts of his old life.   
  
_Ben Solo._  
  
Ben Solo was dead. He had destroyed his old self.   
  
_As you swore to destroy her?_  
  
The sarcastic voice of his uncle taunted him, invading his mind. Kylo glanced around his vacant room, checking the space for any signs of a Force ghost. None appeared. He had half-expected his uncle’s all-knowing grin to be on full display. He had felt Skywaker’s presence join the Force upon his demise. It was yet another thing he had stolen from Kylo, for now the newly appointed Supreme Leader would never have the revenge he sought against the last Jedi.   
  
_And I will not be the last Jedi._   
  
Enraged by the mocking of his uncle, Kylo ignited his lightsaber. Slashing it down on anything in his path, he decimated object after object. His arm thrashed about wildly, powered by pure rage. After several minutes of stalking through the confined space, he slowed. The smell of plasma burning through metal, plastic, and cloth filled his nostrils, as sweat began to bead on his brow. His bed was the only item remaining untouched by his most recent outburst. All other furniture, documents, and tools were obliterated. He’d need to file a lengthy work order with Hux in the morning.   
  
_Or do I?_  
  
The Supreme Leader had enough paperwork to occupy himself with. This was a mess he could now delegate to Hux. In fact, he considered simply asking for a different accommodations, presumably more lavish with larger amounts of free space. He’d request that of the general first thing in the morning. If Hux dared to question him, he’d Force choke his underling into submission. It was a very Darth response to insubordination.   
  
Through with his bout, he entered the refresher for a shower. He adjusted the temperature of the water until it was scalding. The burning level of heat was required to cut through the tension he carried within himself.   
  
After a shower, he threw himself onto his bed, angrily tossing the sheets around him. He never slept well and he assumed tonight would be no exception. Turning to his left side, to keep the weight off his scar tissue, he rested his head against the cool dark material of his pillow.  As his eyelids lowered, he heard the familiar sound of air stilling, followed by absolute silence.   
  
_Rey._   
  
His eyes opened in a flash, prepared for the likelihood she would be aiming a blaster or worse at him. What he found contrasted greatly.   
  
Unlike all previous connections through their bond, Rey was not conscious.   
  
At first, he was worried. Was she ill? Had she suffered wounds from the battle? Then a panicked thought crossed his mind. Was she alive? He reached out immediately with the Force, checking for her vital signs, listening to her heart beat. She was completely unharmed and fine — merely sleeping.   
  
Then why had the Force connected him to her? How had the Force connected him to her?   
  
She had been avidly blocking him since she had close the ramp of the Millennium Falcon on him. The shut door had been physical, but also a metaphor for her action to silence their bond. He hadn’t been able to reach her. He had tried.   
  
Oh, how he had tried.   
  
It was nothing short of pathetic. The week subsequent the battle, he had attempted to contact her. Once he understood Snoke was not responsible for their bond, he had expected her to appear before him the way she had all the other times. Neither of them had had any control over their sessions. As each day passed, he became more and more consumed by her absence. He needed to see her. On the seventh day, he had acted. He started scraping at the barriers she had built, calling her name, demanding she speak with him. She had ignored him. His attempts had grown more desperate as time past.   
  
_So why now?_   
  
It as clear their connection was through no cause of her own design. If anything, it was in spite of it.   
  
She exasperated him. Her way of thinking was sheer madness. Despite his many warnings, she was resolute in her beliefs towards the Light. Currently, it included his mother’s foolish attempts within the Resistance. He had seen Rey. His vision had been prompted by their Force bond. He could not comprehend why she had refused. He had offered her the entire galaxy, laid himself open before her, and even said please. Kylo Ren did not ask. Kylo Ren did not say please. Kylo Ren took.   
  
Her cold, mistrusting gaze appeared in his mind. He recalled how she had viewed him when she had woken up in his interrogation chamber. Taking Rey would have not worked. She would have gone back to hating him…if she didn’t already. Her face before she had departed on board his father’s ship had been full of disappointment. He was knew the disappointment was directed at him. She could not support his path, despite her promise to help him.   
  
Kylo wanted to be mad at her. More than anything, he wanted to cast her out of his system, carve her out the way he had carved out his former self, leaving behind only Kylo Ren. His new identity was build on power and control. There was no room for emotions. Emotions distracted from the end goal. Emotions were how his mother had governed. Emotions were what had led to his father’s death, the egotistical but sentimental old fool. Emotions had no place in his new role as the Supreme Leader.   
  
As often as he counseled himself to not feel for her, he was equally often reminded of her warmth and light. The light had called to him repeatedly since she had entered his life. It called to him even now, as he lie alone surrounded by the chaos he had unleashed. There was a metaphor in his surroundings. He was at the center of chaos — the current chaos of the galaxy, the chaos of his family’s drama, and the chaos of his own mind. He had no way to ground himself, as he continued to spiral downwards.   
  
_Rey._   
  
Her presence calmed him. Though he had fought against her, as well as aside of her, both times he had felt an overwhelming sense of calm come over him. It had soothed his troubled mind, presenting him with a clarity he had never once reached in any of his numerous meditations or training. It was what he found most captivating and infuriating about her.   
  
He allowed his gaze to trail over her features. Her hair was fully down, soft tendrils of chestnut falling along her neck and face, obscuring parts of her from his sight. From what he could see, her skin was smooth, unmarred by blemishes or scars, as his was. Despite coming from a sand trap of a planet, she was pale. Her skin wasn’t as muted as his own, but she wasn’t tanned like so many from her region. The lighter pigment enhanced the freckles along the bridge of her nose. From his position, they almost appeared to be a smearing of dust. The majority of her form was hidden beneath a thick blanket. It looked to be itchy and of poor quality, probably standard-issue for the rebels.   
  
_Still with the Resistance_ , he inferred.   
  
At the thought of her standing alongside his mother, he barely held back the reflex to grimace. Presumably, they were on the piece of junk spacecraft, he had once held in such high regard. Briefly, he wondered if Rey had shared their connection with his mother. She knew Leia was Force-sensitive. There was a chance, she would feel a kinship with his mother and search for advice from the older woman.    
  
Gently, he grazed her mind, searching for proof she had shared information with his mother. Kylo came up empty. Rey had not spoken of their bond to anyone, including the traitor. He was not pleased by the knowledge of FN-2187 traveling with Rey, even if he did seem to have a new infatuation with a small rebel maintenance worker. A deeper peek into Rey’s feelings and he discerned she harbored no desire for the ex-Stormtrooper. She only viewed him as a friend.   
  
While it gave Kylo some assurance, he still couldn’t deny his jealousy. Friend or not, Rey held FN-2187 in high regard. She spoke with him daily, let him sit near her when she was fixing the Falcon, and shared her meals with him. To an outsider, the last detail would seem insignificant. To Kylo, who had seen her childhood struggles, including nearing starvation on numerous occasions, he saw it as paramount. He puzzled over whether or not she’d ever deem him worthy of the same treatment.   
  
Rey’s breathing was shallow, an airy, breathy sound, which made his pulse quicken. It wasn’t the heavy, heated breaths he was accustomed to hearing on the holos he had been supplied with by his father, when he had asked about girls. It wasn’t overt or sexual in nature at all. It was innocent, pure — just like Rey.   
  
Sighing, he realized he may have been the foolish one. He had asked her to join him. Him — the dark Force user, the one who had murdered his own blood right in front of her, the one who had kidnapped her and tortured her friends. How could he even hope for someone like her to understand his methods? Against all the harm life had dealt her, she remained righteous.   
  
As if sensing his lengthy stare, her hazel eyes, fluttered opened.   
  
_Ben?_   
  
As the haze of sleep faded, her eyes widened, slightly. She shifted backwards, away from him. She had only moved a few inches, when her body jarred upon impacting some unseen object behind her. Immediately, she glanced over her shoulder and apologized.   
  
“Sorry.”  
  
Kylo felt his earlier wrath return with a vengeance. All rational thought disappeared. She wasn’t alone. She was sleeping next to someone. How could she? How could she have refused his offer, their bond and join with a lesser being? Her next words made his blood boil.   
  
“It’s nothing. Go back to sleep, Poe.”   
  
And it wasn’t just someone. It was **kriffing** Commander Dameron, his mother’s surrogate son.  
  
 _My replacement_ , he thought, bitterly. _Best pilot in the galaxy._  
  
Kylo considered himself an expert pilot. It was why he had been able to think ahead of the famed Resistance pilot and blow his X-wing up…twice. Dameron was a wannabe. He had always been a competitor. First in trying to impress Han with his knowledge of ships. Then attempting to get into Leia’s good graces with his studies of tactical maneuvers. Now, apparently, he was working on Rey as well.   
  
No, he would not allow it.   
  
“Tell Dameron I’ll blow up his next X-wing and make it three for three,” he sneered, out loud. He knew she could hear him.   
  
Rey shot him a fiery look, but she didn’t respond.   
  
“You’re the one who opened the bond,” he continued. “You had to have known this would happen.”   
  
Her eyes filled with savage fire.  “Monsters live under the bed. They don’t get a bed.”    
  
Kylo felt his fists clenching under his sheets.   
  
_So we are back to that now, are we?_  
  
 _If the shoe fits._  
  
 _Scavenger._  
  
 _Supreme Leader._  
  
 _Jedi._  
  
 _Coward._  
  
 _You’re the one who ran away._  
  
 _Funny, I was about to say the same to you._   
  
Kylo opened his mouth to continue aloud, when the silence broke and her figure disappeared. If he had continued, he would have been talking to himself. The bond was closed. He could feel her barriers in place once more.   
  
_Until next time….Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any typos. I wrote this on my phone while traveling for the holidays.


	5. Grief

Rey was aware of the transference immediately. The shift hit her, as the waves on Ahch-To had slammed against the rocky shoreline. It impacted her with such might, she became light-headed and momentarily disoriented. Rey stumbled out of her seat on the Millennium Falcon. Chewie had instinctively reached out, steadying her, as she found her footing. When she had managed to catch her breath, she told him they needed to return to the rebel base on Tund.

She had felt the loss long before either Poe or Finn were alerted to the news. So when they made contact with her, they were startled by her quick reply that she was only four parsecs away. "Be safe, Rey," Finn had told her, his face coming up on the holo screen along with Poe and Rose. "We need the last Jedi."

Finn's words hung in the air after the communication cut out. She wasn't a Jedi. Though many believed her to be and others saw her as their last hope, Rey wanted neither title. One act did not make her worthy of such adoration. She had only done what she thought was right. By saving the remaining members of the Resistance, she had sparred lives from being lost. It wasn't legendary. It wasn't heroic. It was what a decent being did. There was nothing extraordinary about it.

"Because we can all lift boulders with our minds," Rose Tico had teased her.

After Rose had recovered from the wounds she had sustained. she and Rey had gotten along famously. Rey was grateful for another woman her age to speak with, especially when they had a similar fascination with machines. Rose was a pleasant distraction from the events Rey had taken part in prior to showing up with the Falcon. The young woman was bright and fully committed to the Resistance. No questions asked. Plus, she had saved Finn from his suicide mission, nearly sacrificing herself in the process. Anyone who showed loyalty as fierce as that deserved a hero's title, in Rey's opinion.

Nearly two months had gone since the battle on Crait and with it, Master Skywalker's passing. Each day, Rey found herself wishing she had spent more time with him. Despite his cynicism, he had had a wealth of knowledge. What he had shared with her had barely scratched the surface. It left her with far more questions than answers. The main one being, how did she fix her fragmented lightsaber?

It was that question she turned over and over in her mind, as the Falcon jetted through light speed towards their destination. The Resistance's new home was located in the Centrality sector of the Outer Rim. While it was sparsely inhabited, it at least had a breathable atmosphere, unlike it's close neighbor Gand, whose atmosphere was made up of poisonous materials. Another advantage to the new location was the fact the First Order hadn't found it. While the new Supreme Leader had began his plan to restore order to the galaxy, the Resistance had formed new contacts, begun construction on a new base, and was rapidly rebuilding.

Today's events would be a monumental set-back.

Finn, Poe, and Rose were there to greet her when she landed. Chewie managed to beat her to her best friend, lifting him off his feet as he squeezed Finn. Rose embraced Rey, her eyes already puffy from the tears she had shed. As she pulled away, Poe came in for the next hug.

"It's good to have you back," he told her.

The sincerity in his words struck Rey. Poe was an impulsive individual. While most found him to be charismatic and a man of action, she knew the General had always exercised a level of caution around him. Leia Organa had a soft spot for the pilot, however, she was devoted to the people under her protection. If Poe's schemes endangered anyone, she was the first to put her foot down. He was a bit of a loose canon. Perhaps that was why Rey had such a difficult time understanding his sincerity. She didn't consider him to be the sentimental sort.

_There's a time and a place for everything_ , she thought, wistfully.

"Rey."

Finn engulfed her in a hug. She closed her eyes, relishing the warmth of his hold. They had been separated for a few weeks now. It felt longer.

"How was the Denon system?" He asked, stepping back.

"Typical First Order supporters," Rey admitted, before fishing into her bag to retrieve a list of names. "But I got some." She handed over the scrap of paper to Finn.

She had been scouting across the galaxy for individuals willing to join the Resistance's cause. It had been her mission from the General, once they had determined this would be the home of their new base. Rey found it easier to blend in while on the run, then she had anticipated. The constant movement kept her focused on the task instead of the lingering doubt she felt in her gut. Those thoughts she hid from all others, the General included. She rarely allowed herself to think on them. It was a daily battle.

Today would be especially challenging.

"Where is she?"

Finn glanced at Poe, who gave a small nod, before starting into the base. "This way," he gestured to her and Chewie. The wookie let out a cry, following close behind Rey.

As they made their way through the base, Rey was aware how quiet the corridors were. The normal rush of activity was gone. Instead, she noted sullen faces and a lack of urgency. Those around her were not operating as if they were on a base during the time of war. They were too affected by their latest loss.

"In here," Poe stopped by a door way, motioning for them to enter before him.

"We'll wait out here," Finn told Rey, as he and Rose hung back. "We already said our goodbyes."

Rey slipped past Poe, followed by her co-pilot. Inside the small chamber was the General, laid out on a cold metal table, dressed in pure white. Her skin still held a tinge of color. For a moment, Rey told herself she was merely sleeping, that the Force had been wrong, and the General was fine. It was a lie. Leia Organa was gone. She had entered the Force, joining her twin and her husband.

Chewie let out a wail, tears rolling through his coarse fur. Rey wrapped her arms around his side, giving him a comforting hug. He had known Leia longer, been with her through the milestones of her adult life. He had every reason to cry. Soon, she found herself crying along with him. She had known Leia less than a year, but in that time the General had altered her life, first by allowing her to keep the Falcon and then by sending her off to find her long-lost twin brother. Both decisions had changed Rey permanently.

"She left you this," Poe told Rey, handing over a piece of jewlery. Rey pocketed it without much thought, still too bleary eyed to focus on it. "And this is for you," he said to Chewbacca, dropping an old blaster into his paw. The wookie let out another shrill cry, before grabbing Poe into a hug, leaving Rey's embrace.

After some time, the two exited, leaving Rey alone.

"I'm sorry I failed you, Leia," she whispered to the General's still form. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring Han back or Luke or…" her voice broke, "Or Ben." She took the older woman's hand, trying not to focus on how cold the skin was. "I wish I could have been the person you thought I was."

Hours later, found Rey alone in the crew quarters. She had needed to be away from the base for a time. Chewbacca had understood, allowing her to return to the ship by herself, while he stocked up on fuel and other provisions. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Rey worked on her breathing. She reached out to the Force, hoping to sense Leia within it. As she did, she felt a growing weight in her pocket and remembered the accessory. She pulled it out.

Pinching the ring between her fingertips, Rey examined the Signet. It was woven bands of metal with two distinct dark-colored stones. Leia had never told her what it stood for or why she wore it. Rey had found the size to be rather obnoxious, especially for a general. The jewelry had never fit with the older woman's attire or role. She had assumed it was a part of her time serving as royalty. Leia was, first and foremost, a princess.

While she inspected the accessory, she heard the tell-tale rush of air vacating the space around her. Before she could reinforce her mental blocks, he appeared.

Just as with their first meeting, the two stared at each other warily.

Rey held her breath, unsure whether they were connecting over their mutual grief or if she would be confronted with an apathetic Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren's face was devoid of emotion. His eyes were darker than she remembered, colder. The shadows under his eyes were more prominent, either from lack of sleep or lack of nutrition. Probably both. He wasn't the type to take care of himself, especially now that he was hell-bent on conquering the galaxy.

For a fleeting moment, Rey wondered if he was content. He had been strangely passionate about ruling. It had been unnerving to hear how he envisioned the future. Even more so when he told her of what he had seen in his vision of them. She had seen them together on Ahch-To, in the sunshine, meditating together on the edge of the temple. It was the most detail she had seen, but the inordinate impression of peace was what she remembered most clearly.

After all he had been subjected to, how could he not want that?

He broke the silence first.

"Congratulations are in order ."

Rey bristled at the comment. Did he truly think so little of his own mother? How could he be so callous? She had witnessed the way his lips had twitched after Han fell away. She had seen the regret in his face immediately. It had added to the conflict in his soul, giving her hope he could be turned — that he would return to the light.

"Monster."

"At least I'm honest."

"You have no heart," she retorted, angrily.

"Neither do you."

"What are you on about?"

"I offered you a place to belong. The one thing you wanted more than anything since you were a little girl, abandoned and forgotten. I offered it to you. I offered to serve by your side, to teach you what I know and to treat you as my equal." As he spoke, his voice grew louder and he rose to his feet, slowly stalking towards her. "I offered you the galaxy and you refused!" He was looming over her now, practically shouting each syllable into her face. "And for what? Some damned pilot who couldn't even infiltrate the First Order properly."

"What does Poe have to do with this?" she asked.

There was a flicker of something across his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. "Don't play games with me. I know you're with him!"

"What?" Rey jumped to her feet, becoming dangerously close to him. "Maker, you are out of your mind! I've never been with Poe. I barely know him. In fact, I've never been with anyone. Not that it's any of your damn business!"

"Liar! I saw you with him!"

Rey froze. Could he see her surroundings? Was he able to determine her whereabouts? She began to feel sick to her stomach. She had built walls around her mind to eliminate their connection in order to protect the Resistance. By allowing her enemy into her mind, she was risking their safety, their very existence. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she was the reason they were to perish. She hadn't piled them all onto the Falcon only to have them-

She stopped herself. The Falcon had been overcrowded after she had flown them off of Crait. In the aftermath of the battle, the forty-something remaining rebels had no where to go. She had given up her quarters to Leia, opting to sleep with the rest of the troops on the floor. All those nights, she had huddled with her friends in the common area, usually wedged between Finn and Poe.

And that's when it clicked.

The last time the bond had opened unexpectedly, she had been asleep. It had been a particularly long day. She had been woken early by Chewie, who had alerted her to a faulty line impacting the hyperdrive. The fix was simple enough, but before Rey had completed her work, another emergency came to her attention. The refresher, which was the sole one on the cargo freighter, was backed up. And that was how the entire day had been. She ran to put out fire after fire, being the only point of contact, once Chewie nearly tore the arm off some poor medical worker who had muttered something about a "walking carpet" under his breath.

Staying on the Falcon long-term had never been anyone's plan. Thanks to the First Order, safe territories were few and far between. Tensions were running high. Rey, who had grown up alone, wasn't accustomed to having so many on her ship. In the beginning, she had thought it would be an adjustment period, that she would grow to enjoy it. By the second week, she knew that wasn't the case. She preferred the company of a select few. Larger crowds were fine for a time, but not long term. She needed silence and time alone.

Finn must have caught on, because over dinner, he had asked her if she wanted to join them in the main hold. Rose had woken up a few days prior. She, Finn, and Poe had taken up residence in the main room, since it was closest to the service access, in case she needed to help with anything. Most nights found them sleeping under the Dejarik table. Rey had been sleeping in the cockpit, along with Chewie. It wasn't the most comfortable, especially since the Wookie snored. She gladly had accepted Finn's invitation.

She had been too exhausted to wait in line for a shower, nearly falling asleep the moment her body slunk to the floor. Finn and Rose had been cuddling next to her, when Poe, taking the only available space on her other side, nudged her.

"Cute, right?" he had motioned to the young couple. Rey had nodded. She had purposely been avoiding her friends. She loved Finn and Rose was quickly becoming one of her favorite people, but seeing them together and so happy always made her think of one particular person. So, she had closed her eyes and begged sleep to take her.

Maybe in her fatigue, her wish had opened up the Force bond, allowing the person her mind had centered on to be allowed to connect with her once more.

"I was sleeping….just sleeping…on the floor. Yes, Poe was behind me, but so were about thirty other people who you nearly killed. I had no where else to go and neither did they, thanks to you." She didn't bother to hide her disdain. If he wanted to blame her for her sleeping arrangements, he needed to take responsibility for his actions that had led to it. "If you don't believe me, look into my mind. I know you can read me easier through the bond."

His eyes narrowed. She waited for him to scream or lash out. Instead, he took her up on the offer. The intrusion wasn't painful, as it had been on the Starkiller base, but it wasn't gentle either. She could feel his unease. There was a tickling sensation throughout her thoughts as he poked about her memories. Once he located the evening in question, she saw bits and pieces of the night flash in front of her, before he pulled himself back out of her mind.

He was abashed. His wrath faded, leaving him looking more worn. Rey was tired too. She was tired of keeping her defenses up, tired of fighting with him, tired of it all. Couldn't he see how much she missed him? Hadn't he sense how she wanted to cry, how hard it had been for her to keep this secret from those who cared about her? How could he think their time together meant so little? To her, it had meant everything. Despite his choice, it still did.

"So who gave you the ring?"

Her attention snapped to his face. He had the same look of betrayal from when she had closed the bond on Crait. It wasn't Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, she saw when he looked at her that way. It was Ben Solo.

_He doesn't know?_

Was he truly so far gone? Her heart broke for him.

Rey reached out, taking his hand in both of hers. He flinched slightly under her touch, but she ran her thumb over his skin, soothingly. "Here," she deposited his mother's signet into his open palm, closing his long fingers over the cool metal piece.

Kylo gazed down at his hand. Rey watched as the recognition dawned on him. Even before he fully opened his palm, his face fell. Tears filled his eyes. And suddenly he was collapsing to the floor. landing on his knees. Due to their proximity, he nearly took her down with him. Rey knelt next to him, her hands in her lap. She wanted to touch him, to give him physical reassurance she was there for him.

His anguish was radiating off of him, seeping into her. They had shared feelings before. The bond acted as a conduit between them, channeling their energies towards one another. This time, what he experienced was far more powerful than her own grief. It flooded her senses, causing her to gasp for breath. She had known he suffered, had expected he kept his true despair tapered. With their bond opened now, she felt it fully. It was debilitating.

"My m-m…." His voice was hoarse, as if he had been screaming for hours. "How?"

"In her sleep," Rey offered, hoping it was a small comfort. Sensing his next question, she added, "There was no pain."

"Thank you," he murmured. His head was still bent down, his large hands gingerly cupped together holding onto the ring. They sat like that for some time, while he inspected his mother's possession. She wasn't sure what he was looking for, or if he was searching for anything. Perhaps he simply needed to say his goodbye to her in his own way.

"My father gave her this," he told her, interrupting the silence. "When I was born. Said she would always be connected to me, that I was her new diamond in the rough." Rey felt her lips pull into a slight smile. She could imagine Han trying to be tender and then botching it up with a lame joke. As she thought it, Kylo's mood shifted. His stance became rigid.

"He probably stole it off some peddler on the Outer Rim," Kylo scoffed, annoyed.

"So?" Rey placed her hand on his knee. "I stole things."

He stared at her hand for a long moment, before responding. "You stole out of necessity."

"Why do you think smugglers steal?"

Kylo sighed, ignoring her question. "He wasn't the man you think he was." He insisted.

"I know," she admitted. "But he isn't as bad as you paint him to be either." He didn't agree or disagree with her statement. He merely continued to stare at her hand. She considered pulling it back into her own lap. "He loved you. He sacrificed himself for you."

"Imprudent."

Rey started to yank her hand away, but he caught her wrist easily. "You saw him as the smuggler legend. You didn't know him as the absent-tee husband or the reluctant father."

"We all make mistakes." Her pointed words were not lost on him. He released her, scooting back.

"Ah, you think I regret my decision."

It wasn't so much a question as a comment. She was afraid to ask, but his eyes were locked on hers now, daring her to speak.

"Don't you?"

"No."

_Maybe he is too far gone._

"Not what you wanted to hear?"

"Ben."

The corners of his mouth twitched at her use of his birth name.

"Ben Solo is gone. Accept it," he snapped, his hands clenching into fists.

"I won't give up on you."

"You already did," he scowled, sullenly. "Or have you forgotten leaving me?"

"You gave me no choice! My friends — your family — were dying. I couldn't stand by and let it happen!"

He shook his head. "You still do not understand. This ties you have created. They are holding you back from your potential, Rey. Let them go. Let them all go."

"And what are you?"

"What?"

"You heard me," she snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring up at him definitely. Even while they sat, he was taller than her. "If they are ties you want me to sever, what makes you different?"

"I'm your equal!" His outburst appeared to shock both of them. He took a deep breath before proceeding in a calmer tone. "We're meant to be together. You saw it. I saw it. You know it to be true."

"I won't abandon them."

"You abandoned me!"

"You were safe! They were dying!"

"It's what they deserve. Traitors."

Rey had had enough. She wanted to be rid of him and this inane discussion. He was obviously in pain over his mother's death and dealing with it in his typically bad fashion. She stood up, walking over to the door. He followed, slamming his hands on the wall on either side of her, an act meant to intimidate. She turned on her heel, facing him with another dirty look.

"If that's how you feel, I guess I deserve to die to. After all, I saved them. That makes me an even bigger traitor."

The hardness in his eyes faded away instantly. His posture softened. Pausing, he released a breath, he had been holding, before dropping his arms from framing her in. "Rey."

"Go back to your minions, Supreme Leader," she said brusquely. "I'm sure Hux is awaiting your next order."

Slamming the door of the crew lodging behind her, she stalked off, glad when she glanced over her shoulder to find he hadn't followed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:Yesterday marked a year since we lost our princess, our general. In memory of Carrie Fisher, I wrote this chapter. It's a day late, but it's longer than the others. Hope you enjoy!


	6. Solitude

Kylo expected Rey to close the bond once more. Her frustration was still crackling in the air around him, like the first signal of an oncoming storm. He knew he had pushed her. Her attempt to console him had been heartfelt. He hated it. Kylo didn't want that from her. She knew what he desired. Yet she turned away from him. Again.

_Go back to your minions, Supreme Leader._

Kylo heard her voice echoing in his mind over and over again. Her disappointment cut through him like a knife. He held no misconceptions about how she felt towards the First Order. Even after coming to him of her own free will, she had rejected the organization. She saw it for what it was now. She hadn't looked beyond the past history to what it could be molded into, what he could make it be.

_I'm sure Hux is awaiting your next order._

She hadn't been wrong. The general was becoming a constant problem. In spite of his fear of Kylo's power and his own ignorance of the Force, Hux was a strategist. He had not been fully convinced of Kylo's role in the death of Snoke. It hadn't been long before he had questioned how one girl was able to defeat the entire Praetorian unit, as well as Snoke, but left Kylo untouched and armed. Kylo had no answer for his general. He needed to remedy the situation quickly. But no matter how he tried to justify Rey's actions, he couldn't.

Her betrayal was by far the worst he had ever endured. Waking up without her, after she had tried to take the saber still bothered him. It haunted his dreams at night, waking him with a start each time, as he'd face the muzzle of Hux's blaster. Some nights, he'd hear the trigger click. Other nights, he'd wake before his subordinate attempted to end him. Both were terrifying. Both were a warning of events that could still come to pass.

It had been three days since he had seen Rey, since he had learned of his mother's death. After seeing Leia Organa be sucked out into the void of space, he had believed his mother to be dead. It was with terrified horror he realized she had been present for the entire battle of Crait. When Rey had given him the Signet ring, he had felt the weight of his mother's absence on her. Rey had saved her when she had saved the Resistance. In closing the door on him, she had opened herself up to his mother. He was conflicted about that course of action.

_If that's how you feel, I guess I deserve to die too._

Kylo cringed, recalling how unsettled she had been when they fought. He could feel her emotions through the bond. She truly believed he wanted her dead. It had killed him to feel another level of pain in her already broken heart. He longed to go to her, find the Resistance, show up with all his forces, and simply take her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and keep her there, safe and with him always. He'd give her everything she desired, just as he had promised.

But no.

Rey didn't want what he offered.

She didn't want him.

So when she didn't immediately shut him out, he was confused. He disregarded her hesitation, believing she was too enraged to remember. He'd be forced to go back to his lonely days and nights. He'd be forced to forget the gentle hum of the bond. He'd be forced to will her memory out of his system.

But when he came face to face with her the following day, he knew she had left it open intentionally.

"Rey."

She stared at him, unsure. Then over her shoulder, she said, "Can you take over for a while? I'm- I'm not feeling well."

He heard a distinct roar back. Kylo hadn't heard others from her side before. The sound wasn't as clear as her voice, but he had heard it enough in his lifetime to know it was Chewbacca. If she was with the Wookie, she was on the Falcon. Would that piece of junk ever die?

Rey moved past him and he followed, hoping she didn't go further than his chambers allowed. Thankfully, she stopped just short of his west wall, taking a seat. He assumed it was on her bed. The ships quarters were minimally furnished and narrow. There would be no room for a desk or chair.

There was a moment of silence. If she wasn't going to start, he would.

"You kept the bond opened."

"Yes."

"Why?"

She sighed, glancing at her hands, which were twisting in her lap. "In case you needed someone to talk to."

He wasn't sure how to respond to her admission.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know you're grieving."

_Oh._

She was back on that train of thought again. He ground his teeth together, inhaling deeply through his nose. He didn't want her sympathetic words. She was only allowing him this because of his mother, a woman who had abandoned him and left him with a stranger.

His uncle had been no closer to being a relative to him than the man who had lived next door to them on Chandrila. He had never met the man before. Yet his mother had dumped him at some poorly crafted academy and went on her way. Han had already been gone for months, running guns or illegal salvage or some other dumb thing.

"Ben?"

He knew he should correct her. He had told her his true name. But in that moment, watching her eyes bore into his own, he didn't have the strength to resist her.

Rey was his weakness. She had been in his veins since he first found her on Takodana. She would never know how tenderly he held her or how he hadn't left her side until she bested him during his interrogation, too afraid to break the connection between them.

The connection that blossomed into this bond.

"Tell me about her."

The request was bittersweet. She wanted to speak with him, lied to her friend to be alone with him. At the same time, she was asking him to bare himself to her, in a rawer way than he already had. He considered refusing, ending the meeting, and closing her off for a bit.

But he didn't.

Kylo told her about the time his mother brought him along to the Quarrow, the next city in the New Republic's rotation. It had been one of the few times he was permitted to travel with his mother. As a princess, she was revered and loved. As a senator, she was closely guarded. As one of the key leaders who brought an end to the Empire, she was a moving target. And her young son, Ben Solo was at risk by association.

Since his father had been off-world on his latest smuggling mission, his mother had decided it was best for Ben to accompany her. While he had already inhibited signs of his Force-sensitivity, he was also a masterful pilot. Unlike his father, however, he had a scholar's mind. His mother had been planning on grooming him for the Senate.

While the study of politics had fascinated him in his youth, he was decidedly against following in his mother's footsteps. After he saw her command the room, he knew he would never have it in himself to be the same. His mother was regal and unflinching in her delivery. Despite her stature, no one in the room looked down upon her. She demanded respect simply by being her.

He had admired her. She possessed the calm exterior of a warrior with the elegance of a public figure, speaking dynamically. No one commented on her flaws. No one doubted her. The entire room of delegates, dignitaries, and the like were smitten. It was so unlike his world where his classmates picked on his for his abnormally large ears and nose. Everyone doubted him. He came from the union of a criminal and princess. No one know what to expect from him. Everyone knew what to expect of her. She was a legend.

On their trip home, she had taken him into a shop. As an early birthday surprise, she had purchased him a calligraphy set. He had had his eye on hers all year, watching how gracefully she created the letters, drawing them out instead of merely writing. She had told him the first step to a great speech was writing it done, learning how to mesh the words together to inspire people.

He had not left his room for days after, practicing the letter forms, teaching himself how to artfully sign his name. He composed speech after speech, crossing out lines he didn't like upon a second or third read and rewriting them. His mother had been amused, actually bringing him his meals herself, so she could peer over his shoulder to admire his work. It had been on me of his proudest moments, watching her smile then.

Rey listened to every detail, never once interrupting or asking a question. He could feel her curiosity spike when he mentioned things she wasn't familiar with or important people she hadn't learned about on Jakku.

And so it want on in that manner for days.

Whenever the connection opened between them, she waited patiently for him to begin. He told her about his childhood, about Luke's academy, about his personal studies of the Force. He didn't bring up the First Order. She didn't mention the Resistance. They both clung to their unspoken truce, unable to put a name to this new stage of companionship they found themselves in.

Kylo knew what he wanted to call it. He was far too proud to say it out loud. He was far more scared of saying it to her, afraid of what it will mean. Yet it hung around him, insistent and nagging. After a week went by without so much as a glare between them, he found he cannot silence the word. It rested on the tip of his tongue.

_Soulmate._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support! I appreciate it. I had no plans to grow this beyond the one-shot it originally was, but your constant support has kept this fic alive.
> 
> I've started a multi-chapter Reylo AU called "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", at the request of RenicaSwavely. It's a martial arts themed modern slow-burn, but there will be plenty of Reylo moments featuring a rather possessive, if not slightly awkward Kylo/Ben and a bubbly, spunky Rey.


	7. Coup D'é·tat

Something had changed.

Rey was certain of that much at least. She had gone from months of not speaking to her bond mate to having at least one daily conversation with him. He was easier for her to speak to than Chewie and, at times, a welcomed escape from her burden. The Resistance was still rebuilding, still forming anew and she was the one holding together the delicate web of pilots, spies, medics, and other rebels. As the last known Jedi, she was seen as their pillar of hope.

But she wasn't the last Skywalker.

No, that title belonged to Ben. It belonged to the man she had seen as their last hope, who she still believed had the power to end this needless war and bring balance to the Force. It belonged to the man she had been secretly conversing with. A man who, by all others accounts, was the enemy.

Rey had told him she could sense the conflict within him. Over the past several days, it has lessened, while her own had grown. After they had fought side by side in Snoke's throne room, she had been sure he would return to the light with her. She had seen it. But the more she thought about her vision, the more conflicted she felt.

Unlike the visions she had when she first found Luke's lightsaber, when she had seen Ben it had been more of a feeling than a detailed dream. Was that the reason they had conflicting visions? Because their path wasn't set?

She sighed, unsure what to believe. So she handled her uncertainties in her typical manner, throwing herself into repairs on the Falcon. Chewie had flown with her enough to know when she needed her space. Unless she disappeared for a day or more some where in the belly of the ship, he wouldn't disturb her.

In an odd way, the Wookie has become a surrogate father to her in ways Plutt, Han, and Luke had all failed. While he was not the longest standing male figure in her life, he was the most consistent. He had taught her more about the ship, was patient with her training, and had been supportive of her plan to venture on board the Supremacy to retrieve Ben. They had never spoken about her failure on the latter. And Rey was grateful for it.

As torn up as she was about Ben Solo, she imagined it was far worse for Chewbacca. Having known Ben since before he was born, her co-pilot had a different perspective on the new Supreme Leader. Despite her curiosity, she had never asked. Instead, it was added to the list of painful topics they had wordlessly agreed not to discuss.

It wasn't long after she started, she feels the signs of the bond opening. She can multitask so she doesn't bother to stall in her efforts.

Ben raises his eyes. She can imagine how she must be appearing to him. Wherever he is, she is either floating or he has found her lying on the floor, reaching up with a wrench in hand.

"Rey?"

"I'm fixing the sensor dish," she informed him.

It explained her awkward position. It didn't explain how she was there with him again or why they could see and or hear different things from each other's surroundings. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what the Force allowed them to experience. Rey felt it, as Ben reached out, tentatively. He was afraid if he pulled too tightly on their connection, she would shut him out again. The Force flowed between them unhindered. It felt natural...right. It was as if it had always been there, long before the Starkiller base, long before they had met on Takodana.

As quickly as he had reached out towards her through the bond, he stopped himself.

"If you check under the far left-side panel, it's probably the valve on the underside."

She did as he had instructed, already knowing what she will find. He was correct. It was an easy fix and she was thankful for his insight. It would save her hours of troubleshooting the outdated components.

"Thank you."

He nodded, his face resigned. He didn't seem to be in a particularly talkative mood today. She didn't push. When he was ready to tell her (if he was ready to tell her) what was on his mind, he would. Their unspoken truce was still in affect and she didn't want to break it to satisfy her interest. But she was interested. She wanted to know more about him — what he did with his days, if he regretted killing his master, if he was interested in her.

The last part had her pausing. She flinched when the wires in her hands cross, unintentionally shocking herself. The slip-up didn't go unnoticed by Ben.

"Rey?"

"I'm fine."

He resumed staring down at his hands, as if they hold all the answers to his problems. His stare was so intense, she found herself worried. He looked lost, alone, and afraid. There was a sliver of fear akin to the terrified horror of his younger self, the betrayed boy she had seen in the vision of the night Luke had failed him. And she couldn't hold the question in any longer.

"What happened?"

Ben ignored her question, offering her one of his own instead. "Where are you?"

"In the Falcon," she responded. "You know that."

"But where are you?"

The desperation in his voice was not the tone of a Sith or the cold, calculating command of the Supreme Leader. It was uniquely Ben Solo, the broken man. Still, she felt the sickening twist of doubt in her stomach.

"You know why I can't tell you."

"Rey, please..." her breath caught, her work forgotten as she watched the wounded expression on his face. "...I need you."

"What happened?" She insisted.

There was silence for a long moment. She couldn't tell it it was his pride or his distrusting nature that kept him from opening up to her this time. He was always so guarded, like her in a sense, because of his past, always so mysterious and withdrawn. Even now she could see his shoulders caving in on himself, drawing him into a smaller posture, though there was hardly any way for him to look small. He was an imposingly broad man at any angle. Still, he gave the impression of a scared child, shying away from the world and by extension, her.

Then, finally, just as she thought he'd shut her out, he spoke.

"Hux. Hux is staging a coups."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who are still reading this and following! Chapter 3 of Hit Me With Your Best Shot is now up and I should have chapter 4 up before the end of the week. Also, I'll be writing an in canon-verse one-shot for the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology V-Day fic exchange. My requester has asked for my take on the first time Kylo/Ben and Rey meet after TLJ and to stay in canon (as best as possible). I'll have it posted before 2/14!


	8. Give and Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for @amandagrace1697 who reached out and asked for more of this story. If she hadn't asked, I doubt I would be continuing this. 
> 
> Amanda - This is for you.

 

The moment the confession was out of Kylo's mouth, the bond closed. He stared at the spot in his chambers where Rey had been moments before.

 

He was alone.

 

Growling in frustration, he stormed over to his desk and overturned it without a second thought. He did the same with his chair and any other piece of furniture which has the misfortune of existing in his personal space.

 

Why? Why would the Force separate them at a time like this?

 

Hux was a cancer. He would strike soon and Kylo had to be prepared. His General was clever and, despite Kylo's aversion to some the red-haired man's tactics, a strategist. The coups would run like a well-oiled machine once Hux gave the signal.

 

Pent up with nervous energy, the Supreme Leader stalked back and forth in his private quarters, racking his brain for a solution. In battle, the next step was clear. He understood how to engage his enemies and manipulate the Force to succeed. Against a man like Hux, he wasn't sure where to begin.

 

The general was sure to employ some form of Force-suppressant technology, like the cuffs Rey had been made to wear when she came onboard the Supremacy. If Kylo found himself without his connection, not only would he be unable to use the Force to aid him, he wouldn't be able to reach Rey.

 

He couldn't decide which was worse.

 

Running was always an option. If he slipped away now, he could be in a different system in less than six standard hours, far enough away to buy him some time.

 

But that was all it would do.

 

Hux would hunt him down. Kylo was sure of it. His general wanted him dead and there would be no changing his mind.

 

If Kylo stayed, he was certain the fate he would meet was death. He couldn't stay awake for every minute of every day and he had grown suspicious of all those in the First Order, including his knights. He had no one he could trust. No one to help him.

 

It wasn't a new revelation. As a young boy, Ben Solo has been an outcast, often studying alone in his room instead of enjoying the company of others his own age. His title hadn't won him any favors then. He was a fool to think his title of Supreme Leader would win him any now.

 

Nothing had changed.

 

_Except Rey._

 

Rey had come to him once before. She had spoken with him, openly, and had been one of the few to openly defy him. She wasn't afraid. No, his scavenger feared very little in this world. Yet, when he had told her of Hux's plan, she had gone stiff. So she did fear something — she feared losing him.

 

It was a victory won too late in his life and it impacted his chance for survival far too little.

 

He hadn't told Rey where they were or how to find him. He could picture her in his mind's eye, frantically searching the star systems for a sign of him.

 

Kylo clenched his hands at his sides, jaw clenched tight. He hadn't meant to worry her. He just had no one else to talk to. No one else ever looked at him the way Rey did. No one ever listened to him — actually listened to him as if every word he said was important.

 

Defeated, he sighed, sinking to the floor. While he crouched in the dimly lit chamber, encased in his black robes, he realized why their connection had been severed when it had.

 

The Force was punishing him.

 

He had murdered his own father, striking him dead without a second thought. Han Solo has never been what his son had needed, but to Rey, the man had been larger than life — a legend who had bestowed upon her kindness and hope. And Kylo had taken that from her.

 

So the Force had taken her from him.

 

It was fitting in a way. Over the last few weeks, he had gotten used to speaking with her, looking forward to their time together. It was a much needed reprieve from his daily duties as Supreme Leader. Now that he had made her part of his daily routine and had opened up to her, the Force stole her away. Just as he had stolen her brief relationship with Han away from her.

 

She had been right all along. He was a monster. Why had he ever thought Rey would be his?

 

She was more than his equal. Rey was the light in the darkness — the hope Ben Solo had been destined for as the last Skywalker. Unlike him, she had fulfilled the role he had been meant for, taking up the Jedi code and battling side by side with the Resistance. He was positive his mother had been proud of her.

 

Had his mother ever been proud of him? He doubted it. Leia Organa had inherited many traits from her birth mother, as well as the former grace of a politician she had witnessed from her adoptive father. Her upbringing had differed greatly from that of her twin brother's. There were moments when Kylo wondered if she should have been the one to run the academy instead of his uncle.

 

Leia was much better suited for business and negotiations, while Luke had always he'd to his own drum, not always thinking his decisions through with the same methodical process Leia had.

 

Kylo wished he would have inherited her ability for strategy. He was more his father's son. Always one for rash action and taking big risks, Han Solo has somehow always managed to scrape by. Kylo wanted to believe he could too, but he was a realist. The only outcome he could foresee for himself was death.

 

And so the galaxy's prophesied only hope surrendered himself to his fate.

* * *

 

Rey had never run as fast as she did from the hangar to the Command Center. Her heart was pounding in her chest, each pump of the organ echoing loudly in her ears.

 

_Hux is staging a coups._

 

_Coups._

 

It was all she could hear over the deafening sound of her own rapid pulse. Over and over Ben's words resounded. Each time threatened to break her, threatened the sharp control she had wielded over herself during the last few weeks.

 

 

Their conversations had become more frequent and less tense. Sometimes she would be able to chat with him for hours. Other days the Force allowed them to see each other more than once. Either way, she had grown accustomed to his presence, eagerly anticipating each encounter

 

She had learned more from his lips over the past couple of weeks than in any stories she had heard from the Resistance or archived holo vids Leia had shared with her. And it had all led her to believe one thing — Ben Solo was alive.

 

But then he had come to her today and everything had changed once more. The defeated expression on his face had cut through her and his sullen mood had soured their vibrant connection. She became aware of another truth and it was far more debilitating than the former.

 

Ben — her Ben — was in danger.

 

Bursting into the Command Center, Rey warned herself a series of curious glances from the officers and lieutenants surrounding the table.

 

"Rey?" She turned her attention to their interim Commander, Poe Dameron. He took in her state, immediately concerned. "What is it?"

 

"Ben — Kylo. The First Order is preparing. To overthrow him."

 

There was a murmur among the group, before one of the generals, an older man she wasn't familiar with, let out a cheer. "Thanks the Stars! This is the break we've been waiting for."

 

A few others were quick to agree with him, while Rey stood staring in disbelief. Had no one heard her? Ben Solo — the last Skywalker and only son of their former leader — was about to be out to death. Why were they celebrating?

 

"What is wrong with you?" She cried.

 

Poe stepped towards her, one hand already stretching out towards her. "Rey-."

 

"Don't," she hissed, yanking away from him.

 

The exchange did not go unnoticed by the others in Command.

 

"I know you two are...connected," Poe told her, "but if they kill him, you'll be free."

 

What? Is that what he thought she was worried about?

 

Shaking her head in disbelief, she backed away. She had been wrong to come here. These people — people she had saved and fought with — they wouldn't help her. If she was going to save Ben, she'd have to do it as she had done everything else in her life.

 

Alone.

 

Sprinting back the way she had come, Rey immediately ran up the ramp of the Falcon. She didn't bother stopping to announce her plan to take-off or leave a message for Finn or Rose. Every second she wasted was another less one Ben spent alive. She needed to get to him before Hux could follow through on his intention.

 

Rey launched herself up to the cockpit, surprised when she found Chewie already in the co-pilot seat. He flashed her a smile before announcing he was about to start the take off sequence. For what felt like the thousandth time in her short time knowing the Wookiee, she was beyond grateful for his friendship.

 

She placed her hand on his hairy arm, squeezing as best she could around the fluff. 'Thank you,' she mouthed, unable to speak because her throat was suddenly constructing and no, she wasn't going to cry — really, she wasn't.

 

 _Where to?_ Her co-pilot asked.

 

Suddenly, Rey's heart plummeted. She had no idea where Ben was. They had given up on discussing the First Order or the Resistance and that included their locations. At the time, it had been an unspoken agreement, allowing them to continue their pleasant talks, but now she chided herself for not having the forethought to ask.

 

 _Rey?_ Chewie was staring at her with concern.

 

She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat. _R'iia, no._ She wouldn't lose him. She lost everyone, but she refused to lose Ben — not like this.

 

Closing her eyes, she focused on the Force, willing it — no, demanding it — to show her where he was. The star system appeared in her mind's eye, then the space above a planet she didn't know by name. It was no matter. She knew where it existed on the map. The image vanished and she blinked a few times, coming back to the Millennium Falcon.

 

"Naboo," she told the Wookiee. "Set a course for Naboo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still with me, thanks for being patient. 
> 
> I actually forgot about this story since [Hit Me With Your Best Shot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249611/chapters/30308949) took off and I've been working really hard on [Same Eyes, Different People](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13708050/chapters/31488963). My other WIP [Shadow Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900705/chapters/34511900) should be wrapping up in the next week or so. After that I'll probably focus on finishing this and SEDP, so I can get back to work full time on HMWYBS.


	9. Ghosts

 

Kylo stood on the brig, staring down at all the individuals who had busied themselves with work the instant he stepped into their area. Their heads were bent down, concentration lines on their brows as they ignored him in favor of doing whatever menial task their supervisor had given them.

  


Of course, whatever direction they had been given was merely a sham, a part of Hux’s scheme. Kylo remained where he stood, turning his gaze away from the workers to stare out at the dark web of space before them. 

  


Below the ship was his grandmother’s home,  Naboo. It had been many years since he had set his eyes upon it. He hadn’t expected Hux to be the sentimental type. Maybe it wasn’t sentimental. Maybe it was ironic. 

  


Anakin Skywalker’s forbidden love has blossomed here. His sins had led to the birth of his children and by extension, Ben Solo. And now Hux would end the Skywalker line where Anakin had made the decision to start it.

  


Ironic.

  


He wondered how the clever General would do it. Armitage Hux was not the type to dirty his hands.

 

It was well known throughout the First Order how Hux’s father, Brendol Hux, has met death. Posing was a silent killer and difficult to trace with the resources Armitage had at his disposal. 

  


Kylo contemplated having one of the Stormtroopers test his food, though he doubted he had many meals left to enjoy prior to his demise. 

  


He had tried forcing the bond open to speak with Rey but the Force denied him again. 

  


His inability to reach her troubled him. At first he had blamed his own sins for the lack of communication between them, but as the hours went by, his frustrated turned to a sickening fear. 

  


What if Hux had gotten to her somehow? 

  


Kylo decided he would not wait a moment longer for his inevitable fate. “Lieutenant,” he barked at the nearest uniform, “get me General Hux.”

  


“Right away, Supreme Leader.”

  


After a few minutes, the doors to the brig hissed open and Hux appeared. 

  


“You requested my presence, Supreme Leader Ren?”

  


“Why have you brought us to Naboo?” He questioned.

  


Hux stepped up alongside of him to survey the planet below the Supremacy. “I’ve received intelligence that a known Resistance fighter would be in this vicinity. I thought you would enjoy a front row seat when we intercept their ship.”

  


Kylo heard his father’s voice in his head, as if Han Solo was whispering in his ear.

  


_Kid, I’ve got a bad feeling about this._

  


As if to prove his point, the Millennium Falcon appeared in Kylo’s range of view, jumping out of hyperspace over the serene Naboo. 

  


His heart dropped in his chest. 

  


_No._

  


“Ah, right on time,” Hux commented with a smug grin on his face. 

  


Kylo thrashed and beat at their blocked connection, desperately trying to get in contact with Rey so he could warn her. The Force bond remained closed. He started to panic.

  


“How did you know she would be here?”

  


“Why from you, of course, Supreme Leader,” Hux sneered.

  


It was then Kylo felt their presence. They had been lingering at the edges of the brig, keeping to the shadows — the Knights of Ren. 

  


“Did you honestly think I didn’t know?” Hux spat, his anger rising to the surface as he turned to fully face Kylo. “I saw the holovid from the throne room. Traitor.”

  


Kylo lashed out with the Force, choking Hux. “You don’t speak to me that way. Ever!”

  


The knights converged on him, while the uniformed members of the First Order looked on in horror and fear from their stations. 

  


“Take another step closer,” Kylo warned his knights, “and I will snap his neck.”

 

 

“You won’t do it,” Hux hissed. “That desert rat has made you soft. You’re pathetic, Ren.”

  


Kylo’s nostrils flared. “You do not talk about her. You don’t mention her. And you will not insult her.” His manipulated grip on the other man’s windpipe tightened. 

  


The knights halted in their advance, each staring at one another. 

  


General Hux went from crimson red to almost purple, as the oxygen left his body. 

  


“Call off the attack,” Kylo demanded, unyielding. 

  


Hux glared at him, unable to speak. 

  


“Call it off now!”

  


The General lost consciousness and Kylo let his body drop to the floor. Around him, the brig went silent. “Someone in this room will heed my orders now or you will all pay with your lives!”

  


Immediately the entire First Order staff began scrambling about, comms flickering on and fingers typing away on keyboards. 

  


The Supreme Leader turned his attention to his knights. “Are you here to kill me?”

  


“Master, you have fallen.”

  


It was only four words, but Kylo was aware he had lost his standing with them. He had sensed their loyalty shifting. Their confirmation was all he needed.

  


“So be it.”

  


Igniting his lightsaber, he swung at them, using his massive form, the Force, and his weapon to keep them from landing a hit against him. 

  


He was outnumbered and they were well trained. He had seen to that himself. As he engaged with them, he heard his father’s voice her again. 

  


_Never tell me the odds._

  


And Kylo smirked. 

  


His father would have loved this.

  


* * *

 

  


Something was terribly wrong. They had arrived at Naboo and as predicted Ben was there, but Rey couldn’t feel him. She could reach him through the Force. What worried her more was the fact he wasn’t alone. The entire _Supremacy_ was lurking in the space above Naboo. 

  


“You’ve already told me,” she snapped at Chewie, who was reminding her for the hundredth time that she was being careless. 

  


Regardless of what her co-pilot thought, she was convinced her plan would work. She just needed to make one final adjustment and—

  


“Perfect!” Rey grinned to herself, leaning back, as she admired her handiwork. “One custom First Order bomb ready to ship out.”

  


She had never been so glad to be friends with Rose Tico.

 

_What if you hit him?_ Chewie asked in Shyriiwook.

  


Even though he wouldn’t say Ben’s name, she still knew who the Wookiee meant. 

  


“Don’t you trust me?” She asked, as she closed the door of the escape pod. 

  


If she was being honest with herself, she had the same fear as her co-pilot. Without the Force bond, she had no way of knowing where Ben was on the ship. It made her nervous about pressing the launch button. 

  


Her idea to use the escape pod had been born out of her history with Ben. She had shipped herself to him once before. Who was to say she wouldn’t do it again? Of course, this time when the escape pod landed, she wouldn’t be inside, but they wouldn’t know that until they opened it. 

  


And when they did, kaboom!

  


She had packed enough explosive materials into the pod to rip a hole in the massive spaceship. She just prayed it wouldn’t also rip a hole through anyone she cared about — namely Ben. 

  


_You don’t have to do this_ , Chewie’s paw came to rest on her shoulder. 

  


Rey laughed to herself. Hadn’t she said the same thing to Ben before he took her to see Snoke? She had doubted him then, fearful he would end her life as he had been commanded. Only he hadn’t. He had spared her and they had saved each other. 

  


Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall at the memory, Rey cleared her throat. She thought of Ben and told Chewie with perfect confidence, “I know what I have to do.”

  


With that said, she hit the launch button and watched at her self-made device soared off towards its target. 

  


* * *

 

  


Kylo grunted, stepping back just in time to miss a fatal blow to his temple. The battle with his knights raged on, while the frantic members of the First Order kept shouting at one another about turning off the canons and calling back the ground assault. 

  


One of his knights came at him from behind and he spun around just in time to drive his blade through his attacker’s chest. 

  


However his victory was short lived. In delivering the killing blow, he had opened himself up to attack. One of the other knights vibro-blades sliced through his arm, cutting through the material of his tunic and burning his flesh.

  


He cried out in pain, sending out a push with the Force distance himself from the remaining knights. 

  


Scanning his wound, he was relieved to note it wasn’t too deep. He would need a round or two in the bacta tank but the blade hadn’t gone to the bone. He was lucky he hadn’t sustained any critical damage. 

 

He readied himself for the next attack when one of the lieutenants jumped up. “Sir,” she cried, eyes wide. “We have incoming.”

  


The knights froze and Kylo whipped around to stare out the window. Sure enough, a projectile was flying across the space between the Millennium Falcon and the Supremacy. As it came closer, he recognized it as an escape pod.

  


No.

  


Without hesitation, he sprinted from the brig, racing towards the lifts in hopes of getting to the launch bay in time to receive her. 

  


The knights followed, but he beat them into the lift, using the end of his saber to render the control panel useless once he punched in the appropriate level. 

  


As he descended, he tried again to reach Rey. 

  


_Ben?_

  


He nearly collapsed with relief when he heard her voice clear and warm over the bond. And as quickly as the relief came, so did his anger at her stubbornness. 

  


_Stars, Rey! What are you doing here?_

  


There was a pause and then she was yelling. 

  


_I’m not in the pod. Get away from it! Get away right now!_

_  
_

_What?_

  


Suddenly, Kylo felt the entire ship pulse. The lights flickered on the lift and then he was thrown to the side, as the shock of an explosion ripped through the vessel. The lights went out and the lift plummeted downwards into the darkness.

  


The last thing he heard was Rey screaming for him. 


	10. Reborn

 

Rey saw the explosion erupt at the same instant she felt her heart stop. 

 

_Ben!_

 

No response.

 

_Ben!_

 

Nothing.

 

Chewie gave her a concerned look from his seat next to her in the cockpit. Rey hurriedly started punching in coordinates for the wreckage. 

 

Her co-pilot roared in protest. 

 

“I have to do something,” she insisted, her vision blurring as tears spilled forth. “I have to save him.”

 

A pair of strong furry arms wrapped around her, crushing her to the Wookiee’s chest. Rey  couldn’t breathe. Her sobs could no longer be contained, as she cried openly against her friend. 

 

Even though she had turned away from the viewport, she could sense the fires raging on the Supremacy. Shocks rippled through the Force as her bombs caused cascading reactions. If she were to venture a guess, the initial explosion had probably hit containers of ammunition or smaller space crafts, which turned into a domino effect. 

 

Rey continued to cry, her heart aching so deeply she wished it could be removed from her chest, just so she was able to breath me without the pain of it. 

 

Chewie held her, not speaking or allowing her to move from her spot. He was worried she’d do something reckless that would get ether herself or both of them killed. He was probably right.

 

All she wanted to do was go to Ben. She had to see it for herself. She had to see him.

 

But her co-pilot held fast, keeping her line of sight away from the carnage.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she remained in his arms, turned away from the worst mistake of her young life. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours. 

 

And then she heard it.

 

_Rey?_

 

Her eyes flashed open and she stepped out of Chewbacca’s hold so rapidly, he didn’t have a chance to snatch her back. She stumbled around the pilot’s chair, leaning on the console to stare out into space. 

 

“Ben?”

 

Chewie hunched over by her side, his eyes searching. 

 

They both held their breath, waiting. 

 

An eerily silence filled the cabin and Rey begged the Force to give her a sign — a sign he was still alive — a sign he had been protected. 

 

_Rey?_

 

Tears filled her eyes once more. _Ben?_

 

_Where are you?_

 

 _Stars,_ she started crying again, _you’re alive._

 

_You need to have more faith in me, sweetheart._

 

She laughed, despite the waterworks. Sniffling, she took a moment and then cleared her throat. 

 

_Where are you? We’ll come get you._

 

_I can see you. Stay right there. I’m coming to you._

 

Rey was about to ask him what he meant when she saw his TIE Silencer break out of the massive flames still burning at what had been the mouth of the Supremacy hangar bay. 

 

Chewie let out a victorious roar, before plunking down in his seat to boot up the Falcon. 

 

She wiped the back of her hand across her face, clearing her vision as she did the same. The TIE dove insanely close to them and had the pilot been anyone but Ben Solo, Rey would have cursed them out. As it was, she knew he could handle the maneuver. 

 

Now that they were together, they could handle anything.

 

* * *

 

The first thought he had when he came to was of Rey calling out to him. The second — and it was a very close second — was that he must be dead. 

 

He couldn’t see anything except for the thick black plumes of smoke which were simultaneously suffocating him and burning his eyes. 

 

_Hey there, kid._

 

Kylo tilted his head, squinting to see who was speaking to him. There was no one there. He groaned, trying to push up off the floor, but he was pinned to the floor by a beam or a door. He couldn’t be sure because he wasn’t able to see it. 

 

 _Your mother would have my head if she knew I was here, not that she could do much about it now_ , the voice chuckled. 

 

He knew that laugh. He’d recognize it anywhere.

 

“Dad?”

 

Han Solo appeared before him, translucent and just as cocky as he had been in real life. But he wasn’t alone. 

 

“I told you I’d see you around, kid” Luke Skywalker greeted him, coming to stand next to his best friend. 

 

“So I’m dead,” Kylo surmised, giving up on trying to free himself from the weight bearing down on his body.

 

“Not quite,” his uncle commented, answering in his typical cryptic way. “By the way, how’s that ‘destroy it all plan’ working out for you?”

 

“Switch off,” Kylo snapped. “Are you two here just to have a laugh or are you are you going to do something?”

 

Han chuckled. “Oh, come on, Ben,” he grinned, “You know we can’t help you. At least not physically.”

 

“So why are you here?”

 

“You have a choice ahead of you,” Luke stated. “Whether you make the right choice is up to you.”

 

Kylo growled, wishing nothing more than for his two family members to be direct or leave him be. He had enough to worry about without their annoyingly smug faces and chatter. The oxygen in the room was quickly diminishing and the smoke inhalation was sure to kill him if he didn’t get up off the floor. 

 

“Choose wisely.”

 

He snapped his head up to tell them both to go, but they were no longer there. All he could see was the swirling darkness of death coming for him. There wasn’t a single ounce of light left, even though he could feel the heat of the fire around him. 

 

_There’s no light left within Kylo Ren._

 

_Rey?_

 

_If I go to him, Ben Solo will turn._

 

Kylo looked around for her. Had the bond opened again? Was she here? 

 

_I’ll help you._

 

No. No, she wasn’t here. It was just her voice — her voice from times long past — from times when he had been at the forefront of her mind. He had been the monster in the darkness she sought to overthrow. Because it was as Snoke had proclaimed. He was darkness and he had grown in power, which meant she had grown equally as strong within the light. 

 

Rey was the light.

 

She was his light.

 

His light.

 

And he needed to find a way back to her. 

 

Somehow he willed his weakening body to shift, them manipulated the Force to move the massive weight of whatever had trapped him away. With the last clean breath of air he could pull in, he shoved the Force out, creating a path for himself out of the chaos. 

 

Kylo Ren had entered the darkness but it was Ben Solo who walked out. 

 

He was reborn. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story after the long hiatus. The next chapter will be the final, as I'll be wrapping this up to focus on my other WIP's. I appreciate all the support!


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben start their new life...

 

The waves broke against the shores of Ahch-To, crashing like thunder against the rough surface of the jagged rocks before careening backwards into the watery depths below. 

  


Ben Solo stood before it, looking down into the swirling deep blue waters. Each day the darkness called to him and each day he managed to keep it at bay because of his light. 

  


Rey had decided on where they should disappear to. The planet was uncharted and very few knew of its existence — even fewer were alive. Months ago, he would have given anything to know the location of the island. He never had suspected it would become his home.

  


Chewbacca had dropped them off once they had managed to steal away from the failing Supremacy. The Wookiee has made several jumps in and out of lightspeed along the way, in the off chance they were being followed, but no one had come for them. They were blissfully gone — mere memories of their former Resistance and First Order compatriots.

  


Ben did not miss the First Order or his knights. For once, he did not feel the weight of a heavy burden on his shoulders. He did not wish to have a different life. Happiness was a foreign concept after the horrors he had faced but the day he had stepped out of the fire, he had accepted a new life. 

  


He let his past burn in the flames and die.

  


Arms encircled his torso and a warmth pressed into his back. “I thought I’d find you here,” Rey’s sunshine voice floated above the sea breeze to his ears.

  


Ben turned around to face her. Her hair was up in three buns, as it had been when he first met her. She did it that way each morning when they rose from their bed. It was the most practical for their sparring sessions and for fishing, but it was also his favorite because it meant he could see her slender neck and her freckled cheeks. 

  


“What were you doing?” She asked.

  


“Thinking.”

  


“About?”

  


“Things,” he answered, honestly.

  


She made a face and laughed. “You sound just like him, you know.”

  


“I know,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Cryptic Skywalker Bantha fodder,” he grumbled, but it was difficult to be angry when she was smiling at him the way she was. 

  


He changed subjects. “How are you feeling?” 

  


“Fine,” she beamed. “I caught us dinner.”

  


Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled sharply. “I thought you were going to wait for me to come with you. You shouldn’t be doing that alone right now, Rey.”

  


“Why not?”

  


_Stars! Was she serious?_

  


“What if you had fallen in the sea?” He demanded, his protective nature rivaling her stubbornness.

  


She rolled her eyes and waved a hand at him dismissively. “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.”

  


He groaned.

 

 

It wasn’t the first time he found himself wishing they hadn’t settled down on a Force nexus. With them both here, the natural power of the island was magnified. 

  


At first, Rey hadn’t understood, but once Ben had located the pool where the Prime Jedi was depicted, he knew. They had spent the first few weeks on the island pouring over the ancient Jedi texts. 

  


Most of it made little sense to him, which meant it made even less sense to Rey. Unsurprisingly, it was one night nearly a month after they had arrived, when his uncle had appeared to them. 

  


He had not been pleased. Luke Skywalker’s sudden appearance had made Rey cry. Ben was about to tell his uncle to leave so she wouldn’t be further upset, when his parents also appeared. Suddenly their little hut was much too crowded and Ben was having a hard time dealing with Rey’s emotions on top of his own suppressed feelings.

  


It turned out that a Force Nexus was a place where Force ghosts were able to appear more easily because of the strong connection be nexus possessed to the energy source. 

  


This was both good and bad news. Good because Luke helped them understand more about the Price Jedi and how to translate the texts. Bad because he had to endure surprise visits from his relatives whenever they felt he needed their guidance — which was always.

  


As if that hasn’t been bad enough, it turned out that familial ghosts weren’t the only ones interested in meeting the two Force users who established the balance. Others began to appear.

  


Ben was convinced it was the Force’s will to punish him, but Rey was elated. Never having a family of her own, she was eager for all the attention and support she got from their visitors. She took a particular liking to Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus, who had once been Guardians of the Whills on Jedha. 

 

Which was where she had gotten the phrase she had just used on him. Chirrut said it often...more than often really. It was practically a prayer the way that man chanted those words over and over again. 

  


But Rey liked him, so Ben let it go. 

  


He’d find her some days training with a new staff — one she had made from the leftover wood of the burned Force tree — and practicing with Chirrut. The old guardian would call out different angles or attacks and she would respond in kind. 

  


Ben was glad she had found a kindred spirit. Chirrut could get annoying with his constant monk-like advice, but at least he was calmer and easier to get along with than the Skywalker-Solo-Organa clan which frequented his hut. Their visits had only become more regular with the news of Rey’s condition. 

  


Which led him back to the cause of his frustration. “Sweetheart, you’re pregnant. You shouldn’t be pole-vaulting across the cliffs and spear-fishing.” He tried to keep his voice even — really he did.

  


But the burning glare she shot at him could have melted carbonite. 

  


Stars, those pregnancy hormones were nothing to trifle with. 

  


“I. Am. Fine.”

  


Yep, he was a dead man.

  


“I can’t even feel the baby yet,” she reminded him, some of the fire dying in her gaze. “It’s too early for any of that, Ben.”

  


He knew that. Of course, he knew that. Being the two strongest living Force users in the galaxy came with some perks — like feeling the new life they had created the second it happened.

  


Rey had been in his arms, pleasantly blissed out. He had been kissing her forehead and her shoulder and telling her how happy he was to be with her when it had happened. 

  


Just like when the Force bond had first connected them, everything stilled and all he could hear was his breath and Rey’s breath. Her eyes locked on his and her lips parted. She was just as confused as he was.

  


Until they heard the heart beat. 

  


It was soft at first, so quiet he almost missed it over the sounds of his panting breath. Ben had been gearing up for a fight, convinced the Force was warning them they had been found, but then Rey’s hand was on his and he saw tears pooling in her eyes. Her other hand went immediately to her stomach.

  


And he knew.

  


They were going to be parents. 

  


It was still too soon for them to sense if the baby would be a boy or a girl. They could feel their child’s Force signature, a perfect blend of dark and light — just like them, only better.

  


Ben had vowed that night their child would never know loneliness the way he and Rey had. He vowed to be at her side through it all to hold her hand, support her as her body changed to accommodate the new life, and ultimately share in the responsibility of raising their baby. It was more than he deserved — more than he could have ever hoped for. 

  


“Have you decide on names yet?” Ben asked her, returning his attention to the present. 

  


Rey shook her head. “You?”

  


“I know you won’t let me name it Anakin, if it’s a boy.”

  


She crossed her arms over chest. “Nope.”

  


He chuckled, “Then I’m out of ideas.”

 

“I’ve got one,” a new voice entered their conversation. “Han, after his gramps.”

  


“Not now!” Ben snapped, slicing an arm through the Force ghost of his father. “We don’t even know if it’s a boy!” Han vanished, though his chuckle echoed in the morning air. 

  


Ben groaned. Why now? Why couldn’t he have more than ten minutes alone with his glowing, gorgeous wife—

  


He stopped his line of thinking right there. They weren’t married. 

  


It shouldn’t have bothered him. After all they had been through, having a formal ceremony seemed ridiculous, especially given the fact Rey was pregnant. Still, he suddenly felt the need to make it official. 

  


“Marry me,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. 

  


Rey’s eyes widened and she scanned his face, obviously wondering where his request had come from.

  


He dropped to his knee in front of her, making sure to go about his proposal properly this time. Ben wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. He needed Rey to understand this ask was genuine. 

  


Taking her hand in both of his own, he gazed up into her hazel eyes. “Rey, would you marry me?”

  


Tears filled her beautiful orbs, making it difficult for him to tell where the green stopped and the brown began. It was just a swirl of colors. 

  


“Yes,” she nodded, squeezing his hands with the one he was holding while wiping at her face with her free hand. “Yes, Ben.”

  


He laughed, both from nervousness and the sheer backwards way they were going about it. “We are doing this all wrong,” he chuckled, bringing her hand to his lips to kiss her. 

  


“No,” she shook her head, pulling on him so he stood up. “We are doing it our way — a new way for a new life — together.”

  


Ben liked the sound of that. Rey hugged him, burying her face in his chest. He embraced her, staring over her head to their hut in the distance. 

  


Words from their former selves trailed across his mind.

  


_You’re not alone._

_  
_

_Neither are you_.

  


And neither of them would ever be alone again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck it out 'til the end. I'm actually pretty pleased with how this turned out and I hope you've enjoyed the epilogue.


End file.
